If Dr. Brown and Marty McFly could bring us on a trip Back to the Future, then why not let Frankie and Annette bring us Back to the Beach? In 1987, I hopped on my surfboard all the way to the movie theater to see it. I was too young and naive to realize that it was an attempt to resurrect a movie genre that was popular decades before I existed. Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, that squeaky clean couple who appeared in several of the '60s beach movies even produced and starred in this quirky, often neglected '80s comedy.
The action is based around the family of real life former teen idol turned stressed out used car salesman, Frankie Avalon. He spends so much time at the car dealership that he's been ignoring his adoring, peanut butter and jelly sandwich making wife, former Mouseketeer Annette Funiccello, their daughter Sandi (Lori Loughlin), who has managed to escape their madness, and their son Bobby who yearns to be bad and provides plenty of sarcasm and wicked one liners that are still funny today.
So anyway, the family decides to pack up their mundane existence in Ohio and embarks on a flight to Los Angeles to see their daughter Sandi. On their vacation they experience dancing (Jamaica Ska!), Pee Wee Herman singing "Surfin' Bird," leopard skin speedos, and cameos that range from the cast of Leave it to Beaver to Bob Denver from Gilligan's Island. Frankie, a.k.a The Big Kahuna, also manages to knock down a few surfboards on his old beach that triggers a surfing showdown with Zed, the new king of the beach.
In retrospect, Back to the Beach probably should have been a made for TV movie, but regardless it's so chock full of good stuff that it would be a disservice not to crack it open and loot it for all it's like a piñata-esque wisdom. The following adages are all from what I like to call The Back to the Beach Book of Revelations, may you let them be a guide to your life.
Special Guest Contributor
At his blog The Sexy Armpit, Jay Amabile wafts the fumes of New Jersey's pop culture. Jay is obsessed with comic books, movies, music, nostalgia, pro wrestling, and Twitter.