Dear Diary, today I have reaffirmed myself why its never okay to go swimming in a lake.
With its theatrical premiere having only arrived last Friday you've probably heard the reviews ad nauseum about Alexandre Aja Aja's re-imagining of Piranha and... well, I have to agree that everything you've heard is indeed true. Eli Roth does indeed refer to a woman's breasts as "Danny DeVitoes."
Though not a mind-blowing film by any stretch of the imagination Piranha 3D brilliantly accomplishes what it sets out to do, namely parade a bunch of smoking hot, topless girls and Jersey Shore dropout men as the killer chum they were born to be. And that's a good thing. You never really hate these people for being so sexy, but as any horror fan historian will tell you: sex(y) always equals death. I suppose attractive people just die prettier than us normal folk.
The special effects themselves were generally spot on to the point of being downright hyperrealistically humorous. Nothing is held back and if there was anything that the censors removed I'd be scared to see it myself. From the aforementioned gratuitous female nudity to a wince-inducing aquatic castration, effects studio KNB really delivered. The piranha, in particular, were an effect that had me a little worried from the previews, but rest assured that the CG is near seamless in context to both the atmosphere of the film and its central cast of characters.
Even in spite of the palatable use of 3D technology and the inflated price tag that comes with it, Piranha 3D is a thrill ride well worth admission and deserves as much fan support it can get. Take note Hollywood, this is how a horror movie is made. (BTW- Elizabeth Shue? Hot as ever.)