Trailer Terrors: Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)

"He kind of plays it fast and loose." 

Call it a guilty pleasure, but there's something about this time of year that puts me in the mood to watch a boatload of Chevy Chase films. Of course there's National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, but more than that I'm talking about Chase's classic fare like Caddyshack, Fletch, Nothing But Trouble, and (yep, you guessed it) Memoirs of an Invisible Man!

As one of the less fondly remembered Universal Monster, the Invisible Man has always had it kind of rough in terms making a lasting impression upon the horror world. Despite being the butt of many a joke, the Invisible Man does manage to work his way back into the Hollywood every so often (Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man, Hollow Man, several TV series) and in 1992 it just so happened that he fell in the lap of Chevy Chase by way of of John Carpenter. Yes, my friends, that same "master of horror" who brought us Halloween and They Live directed a comedy starring Chevy Chase as an Invisible Man. Can't get better than that, right?

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Trailer Terrors: Robot Jox (1990)

During the 1980's, and early 90's, the BattleTech franchise dominated the geek market with arena-style combat between monolithic robots called BattleMechs. From board games to video games, BattleMechs laid claim over aspiring computer engineers everywhere and formed a devoted and obsessed fan base that couldn't get enough of the series. It was no surprise then, that in 1990 Hollywood tapped in to the market with the full-feature film Robot Jox.

Directed by Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator) and co-written by Gordon and Joe Haldeman, Robot Jox hit the scene and then was quickly forgotten. The movie typically gets bad reviews, scoring only 4.7 stars on IMDB, but I personally enjoy Robot Jox despite it being low-budget and outdated. For some reason it still manages to keep me entertained and more so than most current films. It's like a hybrid between Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots and the movie Best of the Best. OK, I know that sounds bad, and maybe it's just the nostalgia from me remembering how much I loved robots as a child, but Robot Jox is a very fun, if not funny, movie to watch.

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Trailer Terrors: The Boneyard (1991)

The Boneyard is a film that shares much in common with Syngenor in the fact that it has a great concept, but ultimately fails from an undecided mix of poor direction or underfunded production. The film rushes to open without the slightest bit of exposition or reason to care about any of the characters, made all the more relevant by a stark unevenness between the sound design and dialogue (or lack thereof, rather). In many parts its as though the score continues to drone on when really there should have been some audible reaction from the actors themselves; a gasp or a scream.

The pacing is just as inconsistent with the actors bouncing back and forth between impassioned and believable to ludicrously absurd and though it's certainly not the worst I've ever seen it definitely sabotages the storyline. The only exception(s) to this that I saw was any scene that included wild-haired Phyllis Diller who, as Mrs. Poopenplatz (yes, Poop-en-platz), steals the spotlight with an offbeat enthusiasm worthy of Night of the Demons. Likewise, the visual effects are pretty stunning and while certain elements of the film that were schlock (such as a 7 foot poodle monster), the zombies children themselves came off as chillingly haunting as anything I've ever seen which makes sense given director James Cummins background in special effects design.

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Clubhouse Monthly Wrapup: October 2010

We certainly had one helluva run in October with a number of awesome reviews, previews, interviews and articles (often more than one daily!). This insane pace was both refreshing and exhausting and as we head into November I'm certainly looking forward to those long winter weekends. With so much new content I'm sure it's been hard to keep up with everything that's hit the clubhouse walls so I've gathered a few of the "greatest hits" from October.

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Trailer Terrors: Night of the Demons (2009)

"No costume, no candy motherf#cker!"

So last year's Night of the Demons remake has finally made it home, but was it worth the wait? In not so many words... HELL YES. While the film as a whole is not the best the genre has seen it does stand in my mind as one of the best remakes in the past decade.

It's quite impossible to please everyone, but Night of the Demons treads that fine line between paying homage to the original and upping the ante for a younger audience of gory-hungry horror hounds. It all starts with a splatterific silent film sequence that helps to set the stage for the film's new backstory which, in my opinion, was indifferent to the film's conclusion but didn't manage to detract from the story either.

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Trailer Terrors: Darkman (1990)

Creature of the night, defender of the weak, he is all of these and more. He is Darkman!

When I was given the opportunity to throw in my two cents here at the Clubhouse for the Trailer Terrors feature, I thought it’d only be appropriate to dig deep into my warped childhood to a find a film that has left an undeniable impression on me and forever sealed my fate as a strange kid. It didn’t take very long… the minute I happened upon the title of today’s flick, an irrepressible grin spread across my face that beamed with the warmest familiarity. Like a beacon of light shining from the shadows, that mysterious figure of justice known only as Darkman rose from the ashes for another bloody battle against crime in my DVD player!

Darkman was once a normal man, a scientist named Peyton Westlake (Liam Neeson) who was devising a formula for synthetic skin, the secret to the material’s consistency always eluding him. Just when he reaches the brink of discovery and finds that the skin holds together in the dark, his lab is taken under siege by a gang of criminals looking for a memo detailing the illegal affairs of corrupt businessman Louis Strack Jr. (Colin Friels).

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Trailer Terrors: Candy (2010)

Everyone has a sweet tooth.

As the tagline suggests, there's something sinister afoot on Halloween and it has something to do with a woman named Candy. A joint production between StarFruit Prodcutions and Bloody Unique Entertainment, Candy is a short film that I was recently invited to see by Creator and Actor, Jesse Kozel. Having read a brief review of the film over at AtomicFox's site a few days earlier, and hearing murmurs about the film online since its debut this past September, I was definitely interested to see just how sweet this indie effort really was.

As a whole the film relies heavily on a suspension of disbelief to achieve its overtly Hitchcockian intent. This need for suspension becomes primarily important in regard to the rather odd relationship between the film's two main cast members; Marcus (played by Kozel) and his mother, Candy (played by Sage Hall). Hall does her best to channel the psychotic, motherly persona of Wendy Robie in People Under the Stairs (and does so with some success), but ultimately seems to lack that certain bit of sadistic charm in her execution.

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Trailer Terrors: House of the Wolfman (2009) | Full Review

It's like Ed Wood rose from the grave, only with a better sense of direction and special effects.

Just to give you guys an idea of how long I've been waiting to see this film, I first wrote about it last Halloween (see post) while it was still making its rounds at independent screenings and festival circuits. Fast forward to present day and I now hold in my hand the unholy grail of recent horror cinema... or is it?

The plot, like oh so many of those classic fright films, revolves around a slightly mad scientist who has invited a group of young people to his castle by offering them each a chance to inherit his vast estate and resources. Each member arrives single file as Bela Reinhardt (played by a stone-faced Ron Chaney) proceeds to [annoyingly] deliver psychological profiles on each ad nauseam. There's some spooky, Scooby-Doo type shenanigans that unfold and then Bela delivers his pièce de résistance... he's actually *GASP* a werewolf! I won't spoil the second half of the "twist," suffice to say by that point the surprise has pretty much been spoiled anyway.

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Trailer Terrors: 30 Days Of Night | Dark Days

These are indeed 'Dark Days.'

When the film adaptation for 30 Days of Night first came out back in 2007 I had just really fallen into my full blown Steve Niles phase, devouring every comic and graphic novel that IDW had so thoughtfully republished in triplicate. The combination of Niles enthusiasm for the genre and Ben Templesmith's moody artwork created the perfect storm of gritty, noir storytelling that previous horror comics (post-E.C.) just couldn't seem to nail down.

From there I followed Templesmith to his equally (if not moreso) enjoyable Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse series (It Only Hurts When I Pee, Calimari Rising) and managed to find a few new books that I liked from Niles (Aleister Arcane), but it was really that first book that reignited a spark of interest in comics for me. Then of course came the movie and I eagerly attended the midnight screening, book tightly clutched in one hand popcorn in the other, only to leave with a lingering sense of dissatisfaction.

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Trailer Terrors: Vampirella (1996)

"Thirsty for justice, she'll settle for blood."

Over the years Vampirella has become known as a venerable sex symbol for all things red and sticky (namely as the patron saint for fans of skin tight red bikini costumes and blood-sucking fiends everywhere). Her fame comes mostly from her long-standing background as the creation of über-fanboy Forrest J. Akcerman, not to mention her decades long histories with both Warren Publishing and Harris Comics which have likely aided more than a few fanboys through puberty. On the other Vampirella's film adaptations have been less than kind.

In the first attempt to bring the busty vixen to theaters in the mid-70's (for more information visit The Unofficial Hammer Films), both Hammer and Vampirella saw their fair share of setbacks (Hammer Films was shut down shortly after abandoning the project). That story reportedly featured Peter Cushing as a wizard named Pendragon, model/actress Barbara Leigh as Vampirella and plenty of risqué, karate-fueled female action. To think, what an obscure Hammer Horror treasure that would have been.

What we got instead is 1996's direct-to-video effort by director Jim Wynorski (976-EVIL 2: The Astral Factor, Ghoulies IV) who has apparently since gone on to direct a string of rather lackluster, "Skinemax-inspired" films such as The Bare Wench Project and House on Hooter Hill. Looking back then, one might see how Wynorski first cut his teeth, so to speak, with this sci-fi, softcore porn adaptation of Vampirella. I might further preference that schlockmiester Roger Corman is also attached as Executive Producer, so... yeah.

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Trailer Terrors: Superstition (1982)

The victims who died were the lucky ones.

With a company as large as Anchor Bay, there's sure to be more than a few fright flicks that really belong locked away in a closet instead of being re-packaged for unsuspecting consumption. Superstition, originally released in 1982, is one such film whose frustratingly uneven, revenge-themed storyline focuses less on plot development and more on low-budget special effects.

A weird sort of film that falls somewhere in-between Pumpkinhead and The Amityville Horror (never quite reaching too far towards either story), Superstition aka The Witch opens with a generic love scene in which a frightened, teenage girlfriend tries to persuade her horny man-meat to leave the spooky old makeout spot for something more "romantic." Of course, this is all really a ploy to lure the viewer into a cheap fright gag whereupon the real terror begins.

Essentially, this opening scene sets the precedence for the frustration that unfolds throughout the entire movie. Cut to the next day where our hero, Rev. David Thompson, is introduced followed by Inspector Sturgess (hereby known as Detective Dipshit), his partner #1, and perhaps the most bizarre attempt at a red herring ever, Arlen the Caretaker. While most of the characters who come and go before the film's conclusion are given plausible roles for being in the story, Arlen seems to be the most unnecessary element of all. His only purpose seems to be to give the viewer a reason to doubt the supernatural elements of the plot, but when you only see him 2-3 times during the course of the movie it's hard to even remember who he is.

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Trailer Terrors: Machete (2010)

"They just fucked with the wrong Mexican!"

Having veered away from box office reviews for the past week or so I felt safe and eager to see Robert Rodriguez's latest slaughterfest, Machete, with the anticipation of over-the-top violence and gratuitous nudity that awaited me. What I experienced instead was a film that seemed willingly to sell its sizzle without offering the viewer any steak, only half-fulfilling either of its lauded incentives. Perhaps that's what happens when you try to make a moral-deprived exploitation film with actors who actually have morals.

To be fair Rodriguez has a steady stream of solid films under his belt and perhaps part of the blame could be that he only co-directed this film with former editor (and first time director) Ethan Maniquis, but I feel that my expectations weren't too lofty. Given that Rodriguez's El Mariachi trilogy dabbled in the same cultural memes, I had anticipated Machete to fall somewhere between there and Planet Terror in terms of tone and stylization.

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Trailer Terrors: Runaway (1984)

Machines are being programmed to turn against us. Someone must stop the madman who started it all.

Despite a really cool concept that takes a far less literal spin on the work of Philip K. Dick (considered by many as the godfather of all modern sci-fi stories), Runaway (1984) has a decent storyline that unfortunately manages to fizzle out before its final act reaches its foregone conclusion. Written and directed by Michael Crichton (Westworld, The 13th Warrior) the film stars Tom Selleck as the dense, yet compassionate Sgt. Jack R. Ramsay opposite of Cynthia Rhodes as his hot and headstrong new partner, Officer Karen Thompson.

Stan Shaw (Monster Squad) and G.W. Bailey (Police Academy) also play supporting roles, but the real surprise is Gene Simmons as the sinister Dr. Charles Luther. As Luther, Simmons comes across as both cold and calculating villain who takes in each kill with a sly grin and satisfaction worthy of a surgeon whose just beaten death. It's all the more bittersweet then that he ultimately meets a demise unworthy of his character's potential, one that is both flavorless and bloodless despite the anticipation of an epic body melt.

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Trailer Terrors: Piranha 3D (2010)

Dear Diary, today I have reaffirmed myself why its never okay to go swimming in a lake.

With its theatrical premiere having only arrived last Friday you've probably heard the reviews ad nauseum about Alexandre Aja Aja's re-imagining of Piranha and... well, I have to agree that everything you've heard is indeed true. Eli Roth does indeed refer to a woman's breasts as "Danny DeVitoes."

Though not a mind-blowing film by any stretch of the imagination Piranha 3D brilliantly accomplishes what it sets out to do, namely parade a bunch of smoking hot, topless girls and Jersey Shore dropout men as the killer chum they were born to be. And that's a good thing. You never really hate these people for being so sexy, but as any horror fan historian will tell you: sex(y) always equals death. I suppose attractive people just die prettier than us normal folk.

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Trailer Terrors: Dungeonmaster (1985)

He is the overlord of strange beasts and stolen souls...

From its obtrusively 80s, synth opening sequence Charles Band's Dungeonmaster (aka Ragewar: The Challenges of Excalibrate) sets out to prove that sometimes even nerds can become ultra-cool, swashbuckling heroes. Unfortunately, what we get instead is a wacky jambalaya of abridged filmland follies that take their cue from such classics Jason And The Argonauts, Mad Max and Tron. It also has the honor of being Band's first picture released under the Empire Pictures imprint and set the bar (albeit however low) for more fondly-remembered horror movie fodder as Ghoulies and Troll.

There's no sugar-coating the fact that as the product of seven different directors, the plot of Dungeonmaster is all over the place. Almost unforgiving in their expectation of nothing less than your total willingness to believe in what's transpiring on screen the first act will most likely disorient less attentive viewers, though viewers who are familiar with a Charles Band production should find it somewhat easier to simply shrug off the fact-paced campy nature of what they're witnessing. We are introduced to our main cast, however, which consists of Paul (Jeffrey Byron), Gwen (Leslie Wing) and the nefariously menacing Richard Moll (Night Court) as Mestema.

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Trailer Terrors: Zombie Western: It Came from the West!

Warning: This film is NOT for weak-pissers!

Zombie Western: It Came from the West! is an independent short film created by a small production team out of Denmark, Happy Flyfish, that really deserves more attention than it I think it received. Released back in 2007, It Came from the West! was mostly kept to the indie circuit where it garnered several "Audience Awards," but never managed to breach the public consciousness much further.

Inspired by the spaghetti westerns of Sergio Leones, not to mention the zombie horror of Peter Jackson and George A. Romero, the film follows a weakling named Virgil whose short stature and shrill voice has made him the butt of every "big gun's" joke... including his own rough-n-tumble father. As it turns out Virgil's daddy also happens to be the legendary Dark Butcher, an infamous cowboy whose violence against the local Indians has come back to haunt him in a big way! Angered by his ruthless tactics, the Indians cast a resurrection spell that causes the dead to rise and attack the local saloon where Virgil and his father reside.

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Trailer Terrors: Morgan Stewart's Coming Home (1987)

He was just Ducky in "Pretty in Pink". Now he's crazy rich... and it's all his parents' fault.

Opening with your typically upbeat 80s comedy score, the first image in Morgan Stewarts Coming Home (1987) is a glorious shot of Fulci's iconic Zombie. The camera then pans down to reveal a monster mask, a poster of Peter Lorre, a zombified portrait of Mona Lisa, and oodles more horror paraphenelia. Yes, my friends, Morgan Stewart is a fellow horror fanatic.

Played by Jon Cryer (Pretty in Pink, Two and a Half Men), Morgan Stewart is the son of a senator father and socialite mother who have decided to forgo their Thanksgiving festivities which leaves young Morgan stuck in boarding school. Strangely enough, however, young Morgan finds himself called back home only weeks later at the bequest of his parents. Thus begins an "epic" quest to rediscover his estranged homestead.

As he packs for his timely departure, Morgan introduces us to his prize possession: a Tobe Hooper-autographed chainsaw. It's little touches like this, scattered all throughout the sets and wardrobe, that made this film such a pleasure to watch. Soon thereafter, Morgan's mother (who is hereby to be reffered to as "The Bitch") arrives via helicopter to pick him up. She seems surprisingly appalled to see the her son's horror bounty adorning the dorm walls, yet inexplicably unflinches at the thought of storming shower stalls full of young men in the buff. Go figure, the girl's got her priorities.

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Trailer Terrors: The Town that Dreaded Sundown (1976)

Texarkana, Arkansas looked normal in the daylight hours... but everyone dreaded sundown.

I'd like to admit upfront that I've never been a big fan of the slasher horror subgenre. It's not that I have anything in particular against slasher films or the directors who make them, I just often find them to be less imaginative than their supernatural-themed counterparts. Case in point, Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives is (at least in my mind) one of the best entries in the entire franchise thanks to Jason Vorhees entirely Frankensteinian resurrection.

There is merit, however, to films that are so real, exploitative and gritty that they tap into the subconscious, uneasy voyeur inside us all. Films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or I Spit on Your Grave both stand out in that regard, especially having seen them both at a relatively young age. That's why, when I first heard about The Town that Dreaded Sundown, I approached it with both skepticism and a predetermined sense of distaste (not the most open-ended way to approach a review, I know).

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Trailer Terrors: Deadly Friend (1986)

There's no one alive who will play with the girl next door.

Another film that I was inspired to watch after seeing Never Sleep Again, Deadly Friend is Wes Craven's first outing since his "sleeper" hit A Nightmare on Elm Street and was released one year after its sequel in 1986.

As a Wes Craven film, the plot is pretty convoluted and really what I would expect from the same director who did A Nightmare on Elm Street or Shocker. If there is anything that Craven has proven time and again, however, its that he tends to be a little unpredictable... and that's not a bad thing. Deadly Friend is just that: not a bad thing. It's not great (or altogether believable), but worth at least one viewing all the same.

As I mentioned, the story is a little confusing and essentially follows a young inventor named Paul who builds a semi-psychotic robot named BB out of loneliness to be his pal. Shortly thereafter, Paul and his mother relocate to a new home where Paul retains his outcast status as a nerd and lusts after hot, neighbor girl Samantha Pringle (yeah, she's named after a potato chip), played by Kirsty Swanson

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Trailer Terrors: Wounded Embark of the Lovesick Mind

A psychological anti-love story.

If you're a regular here at the clubhouse you may remember the name Gris Grimly from a few weeks back. If not, better catch up quick 'cause it seems that the 'ole Mad Creator himself is gearing up for the fast track of film-making.

When we last spoke to Grimly, we spoke briefly about his short film follow-up to Cannibal Flesh Riot! called Wounded Embark of the Lovesick Mind, a titled that perhaps perfectly captures the artists uniquely Poe-etic sense of drama and horror. Well it would seem that the film has entered post-production as the maestro himself has released the official trailer (see above).

In addition, Grimly revealed some tasty tidbits regarding his next major motion picture collaboration: Pinocchio. Helmed by both Guillermo Del Toro (Producer) and The Jim Henson Company, Grimly remarked that he would be

...co-directing with a stop motion veteran (who's name is yet to be announced) and Nick Cave is on board to compose the original score. MacKinnon and Saunders are also involved in the puppet fabrication. There are interested voice talents that only add to how promising this project will be, but I cannot announce them yet.

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